Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
