is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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