that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
