His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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