dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
