Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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