I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
