Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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