So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
