super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They took my balls.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
