Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
