your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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