So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
