Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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