kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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