Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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