literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
