do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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