i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
