You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
