my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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