she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
