I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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