I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
