if you like me you must not know who I am
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
