I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
