Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
