Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
