I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
