she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
