You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.