As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
