Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
