There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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