im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
