if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock