my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
