I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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