she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm really busy with my period
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