i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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