i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
