im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
