i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
