Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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