I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
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We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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