I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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