flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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