whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
