My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
