I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
