Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
