Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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