so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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