imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
