after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm both gender and math confused
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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