Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
