there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
