I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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