If i come over, it means nothing
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
