Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
