At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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