Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
