my being single is dangerous.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
