Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
