you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
