My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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