they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize