i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who died my cat blue again?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
