Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
