Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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