Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
