It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
