According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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