The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
