he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
