I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
