why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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