I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
