life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
