Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We have started to decorate penises.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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