I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
