I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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