New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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