My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
