Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize