he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
