He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just want nice things and good sex
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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