she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
do nipples grow back?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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